Letting the nice guy go

My gosh it has been a while! It’s been a crazy year with more down’s than up’s for me, but I definitely miss being on here. And while I would like to come back with a positive attitude and fuzzy topic to chat about, what brought me back to the blogosphere is this article I came across and I had this urge to speak up. With 524k of sharing done, it’s about a nice guy who wrote a letter to a girl who hurt him. Here is the link: An Open Letter To The Girl Who Let The Nice Guy Go

You know what I realized after reading his letter? This guy definitely speaks very highly of himself. I’m sorry, “this is to the girl who walked out on the best thing that ever happened to her” ??? If she wanted to walk out on you, she probably knew you weren’t right for her. Not to say that you’re not a nice guy, but maybe you guys just weren’t compatible.

“Still, he didn’t give up and every time you pushed harder, he pulled you in even more.”

Ding ding ding, warning sign anyone?? If she pushed you away, isn’t that where you should take a hint that whatever you guys have is not what she’s looking for? This is what bugs me with some of the guys. If the girl was being upfront with what she wanted, shouldn’t you know what you are signing up for? Don’t filter what you don’t like and assume that just because she is spending time with you, that all of a sudden you guys are on the same page. Fighting for her doesn’t make you a hero, or the romantic one.

“Then you walked away because he was too nice.”

Are you sure it was because you were too nice…. Has it ever occurred to you that it might actually be something else?

What I have realized dating nice guys is that they hide behind this “nice guy” title. I love that you’re a nice guy, that’s probably why I was attracted to you in the first place, and probably why I stayed with you for however long, but it sure as hell not why I’m leaving you. Being a nice guy doesn’t guarantee you get “love” right on your first try. And just like how you hide behind the title, we probably overlook a lot of things just because you’re the nice one. Oh you are not the smartest tool in the shed? That’s okay because you’re so nice. Hmm, you would rather stay home and read instead of getting to know my friends? That’s okay, your niceness makes up for it. Oh you want to be a busboy for the rest of your life? That’s alright, since you treat me so well. I know this is the reason why my relationship with nice guys went south.

Because of the stupid saying “nice guys finish last”, these self proclaimed nice guys just blame us girls when they fail at relationships. They think that because they are “nice”, they are never in the wrong, that something is obviously wrong with us for not wanting to be with them. Well guess what, sometimes nice just isn’t enough. That doesn’t mean we prefer assholes, it just means that you weren’t the peanut butter to my jam.

Let me make you a promise..

Okay, I guess it is a promise more to myself, but I need someone to keep me accountable.

Deadline? March 20th! Seriously, I am reaching mid twenty and I have never known such dysfunctional relationship in my life… This must be what middle school kids go through. And maybe Taylor Swift, so this is fitting.

My month in meme.

Boy meets girl.

First Friday: two drinks after work. I go home feeling like I made a new friend.

(whatttt, making new friends is awesome!)

Second Friday: I was away on a business trip. First text from him, he tells me not to miss him too much. Two days later I get another text from him late at night (he was clearly intoxicated), he told me he misses me more than he should. Irrelevant, but it was a pretty damn good business trip.

Third Friday: attends a function as his date with an open bar. May or may not have become more than friends.

This week: me trying to talk some sense in to they guy. Let’s be a buddy, let’s be friends, let me be anything but your girlfriend.

It’s too late, he said, I already fell for you, he said.

….but it’s only been like a month………

All jokes aside he’s an amazing guy, very attractive, and definitely someone I would hate to lose. Does “falling” actually mean falling in love??? Urban dictionary time…

Ghost of Boyfriends Past.

How often do you guys think of your exes?

I hate to admit it but apparently a lot in my case, and I’ve been trying to figure out what that means. Does it mean that I’m not over them, despite how happy I am in my current relationship?

But then again, it’s all about the technology, I guess. Facebook does the most amazing job of reminding you of them, and just because the exes are no longer in your life, it doesn’t mean that they don’t pop up on your newsfeed from time to time. In my case it’s even worse because many of them have previously “poked” me, so whenever the poke history comes up, I’m reminded of them. This makes a whole lot of sense since the one guy I hardly think about is my very first serious boyfriend who pretty much cut me out of his life.

Remember how it was like in high school? That’s when I met him and boy, was I smittened! It sounds so stupid now but he was up there on the social hierarchy and it was kind of a big deal to be seen with him, let alone date him. After a few months of being friends (and that alone pissed off a few girls already), he took my first kiss. I remember I was like “um, why are we doing this?” and he responded with  “because you’re my girlfriend now!‘. Yes, he actually said that, and yes, it actually worked on me, because I just shrugged and went with it. Believe it or not, this is going to be a repeating pattern for years to come..

Anyways, this ended up being my longest relationship to date, but it was a really unhealthy one which ended terribly. He ended up being overly controlling, irrationally possessive, and just abusive on so many levels. I remember when we graduated high school and it was time to decide whether I wanted to go to my first choice university, or to follow where he was going, and I picked my university which he reacted badly to. I thought it was time to end the relationship, but like many times that I have previously suggested it, he sweet talked me out. That’s not even the worst part, because this is his exact word “now that I’m letting you go to your choice of university, you have to listen to everything that I say”. Did I tell you how controlling he was? I was desperate to go to my pick of university so I agreed to it dumbly just to shut him up.

I’m not even going to go in to details about what happened with us. He got too much (I kid you not, he was capable of being worse than that), but he wouldn’t let me break up with him that in the end I cheated on him to have a valid excuse to get out. Even then he was willing to overlook it (or so he claimed), but I was done. I didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. For a long while, I was seriously concerned that he would one day show up unannounced to hurt me, I’m not joking. It took him a while but he eventually left me alone, wiping off all of my traces from his life, including from our friends, who I have lost touched with after he told them all about how I betrayed him.

If you guys are curious as to how he’s doing now, I think he’s doing fine. After about a year or two after we broke up, I found out he’s dating someone, who goes to my university! What a small world, huh? I have lost touched with most of my friends from high school which is sad, but I guess it’s not too much of a loss if they didn’t bother to hear my side of the story before deciding to take sides. The very few friends that I still talk to wouldn’t do it publicly just to avoid any drama from my ex, which I respect. Though according to them, talking about me in front of him is still a taboo subject.

You know what, I know why I keep thinking about my exes! Because we all left things on bad terms, and I actually want to be back in their lives to make sure that we are civil. I want to say I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry we didn’t work out, but I hope you are happy. I hate the idea of someone wishing that I have never entered their lives. Is that so much to ask?

Hypocritical Flashbacks.

The first time I saw him, we were outside our lecture hall back in college, waiting to get in, but we didn’t talk or anything. Once we got in and half way through the class, the professor made us do some group work and it turns out that he was sitting close by, so around 5 or 6 of us were in the same group discussing. The term went on and we grew closer – we would walk back to our dorm together after class, we would save the other one a seat when we get to class first, those kind of things. We occasionally hung out outside of class, and have met each other’s friends but in all honesty, the course was what kept us in each other’s lives.

You know how it is in college, people tend to skip classes, a lot. We were no exception, especially since the actual course was such a bore. One time, I uploaded bunch of pictures on facebook, and he was in the album, with the caption saying “the reason I still go to class”. Now, he had a girlfriend at the time (whom I have never met because she was on exchange), and I was also seeing someone as well, so I didn’t think much of it. Our relationship has always been platonic and really, it was based on a course that we were both taking. I found out a few months later though from his friend whom I also knew (though not through him), that his girlfriend wasn’t happy with me. My first reaction was “huh?”.

I asked around my friends to see if I was being insensitive or not, and I got mixed responses. Friend 1 said I was absolutely crazy to say things like that about someone else’s boyfriend (um excuse me, I clearly mentioned the nature of our relationship in that little caption. Hell if anything that caption made our relationship sound more innocent). Friend 2 said that since I didn’t know the girlfriend, maybe I shouldn’t have broadcasted how fond I was of this guy (fair enough, but I still didn’t think what I said was that scandalous). Friend 3 was totally on my side, and said that only insecure girls would be threatened by that (although now that I think about it, they were doing long distance relationship so maybe any girl she didn’t know were somewhat threatening?).

Anyways they broke up soon after so that’s irrelevant now. The reason I am writing on this now is because maybe, perhaps, I might actually understand where this girl is coming from! Sometime last year, I was already with my current boyfriend, and he was visiting his hometown, hanging out with his old friends I’ve never met. I’m not usually the jealous type but I saw on facebook a post that he was tagged in, that says something like “looking forward to partying with my two boyfriends tonight!” then she tagged my boyfriend and another guy.

Now, I know this is some inside joke or whatever, I am not accusing her of any mistressing of any sort, but ISN’T IT A LITTLE INSENSITIVE calling someone else’s YOURS??? Yes, the fact that she tagged another guy helped a bit, but I felt like she was marking her territory or something, like she knows the him that I didn’t.

So this is me tasting my own medicine and feeling terrible about what I did. People say it all the time how you should put yourself in other people’s shoes, but really, just thinking about it for few seconds is not enough. Seriously consider how you would feel, because boy it’s not fun admitting to it few months later.