Letting the nice guy go

27 11 2014

My gosh it has been a while! It’s been a crazy year with more down’s than up’s for me, but I definitely miss being on here. And while I would like to come back with a positive attitude and fuzzy topic to chat about, what brought me back to the blogosphere is this article I came across and I had this urge to speak up. With 524k of sharing done, it’s about a nice guy who wrote a letter to a girl who hurt him. Here is the link: An Open Letter To The Girl Who Let The Nice Guy Go

You know what I realized after reading his letter? This guy definitely speaks very highly of himself. I’m sorry, this is to the girl who walked out on the best thing that ever happened to her” ??? If she wanted to walk out on you, she probably knew you weren’t right for her. Not to say that you’re not a nice guy, but maybe you guys just weren’t compatible.

“Still, he didn’t give up and every time you pushed harder, he pulled you in even more.”

Ding ding ding, warning sign anyone?? If she pushed you away, isn’t that where you should take a hint that whatever you guys have is not what she’s looking for? This is what bugs me with some of the guys. If the girl was being upfront with what she wanted, shouldn’t you know what you are signing up for? Don’t filter what you don’t like and assume that just because she is spending time with you, that all of a sudden you guys are on the same page. Fighting for her doesn’t make you a hero, or the romantic one.

“Then you walked away because he was too nice.”

Are you sure it was because you were too nice…. Has it ever occurred to you that it might actually be something else?

What I have realized dating nice guys is that they hide behind this “nice guy” title. I love that you’re a nice guy, that’s probably why I was attracted to you in the first place, and probably why I stayed with you for however long, but it sure as hell not why I’m leaving you. Being a nice guy doesn’t guarantee you get “love” right on your first try. And just like how you hide behind the title, we probably overlook a lot of things just because you’re the nice one. Oh you are not the smartest tool in the shed? That’s okay because you’re so nice. Hmm, you would rather stay home and read instead of getting to know my friends? That’s okay, your niceness makes up for it. Oh you want to be a busboy for the rest of your life? That’s alright, since you treat me so well. I know this is the reason why my relationship with nice guys went south.

Because of the stupid saying “nice guys finish last”, these self proclaimed nice guys just blame us girls when they fail at relationships. They think that because they are “nice”, they are never in the wrong, that something is obviously wrong with us for not wanting to be with them. Well guess what, sometimes nice just isn’t enough. That doesn’t mean we prefer assholes, it just means that you weren’t the peanut butter to my jam.


Life, from a sixteen year old.

2 09 2012

I must have been 16 or 17, or maybe even 18. I was sitting on my little desk, furthest away from the door with the windows at my back. This was my English class in high school and we were talking about some type of literature. Clearly this memory of mine is blurry at best, but what this one girl said kept coming back to me even after so many years. I so wish I could quote her word by word,  but it went something like this:

Is death really the scariest thing in this world? I’m not saying that I want to die tomorrow, but even if I do, I think I can be at peace with it.

To the 16/17/18 years old me, I took that as the type of attitude only contented people have. No one could die at peace unless they have done everything they wanted to do in life, and unless they were at a place in their life where they would have no regrets. I didn’t doubt her life satisfaction, but at the same time, I wasn’t jealous of her contented life. More than anything, I was just intrigued.

Years have gone by since high school graduation, and I haven’t seen her or heard from her in years. We weren’t that close to begin with, but the quote above kept coming back to me, and it would always make me evaluate my situation. If you fear death, it means that you still have the will to live, and there is nothing more important than that, to give yourself a better life. If you don’t fear death, then thank whoever you need to for the wonderful life that you have lived thus far.

Last night I have gotten the terrible news that this dear girl has just passed away. I hope that until the very end, she still had the same attitude on life that she did way back when. Rest in peace.

Pandora’s Box; would you?

26 08 2012

You see your significant other’s facebook wide open while you’re home alone. Would you take a look? And if you find something bad, would you confront them, even if it means you have to admit to them that you went through their personal stuff?

One of my friends specifically told us NEVER to leave our facebook pages open unattended, because she guarantees she would go through them. Well, at least she is honest. One day her guy actually left his facebook open which she found after he went to bed. Sure enough, she went through it, and without having to go far, she found something incriminating. Uh-oh.

Another one of my friends also went through his girlfriend’s facebook and also found through rummaging it that she has been unfaithful. There goes another uh-oh.

In both of their cases, they did confront their siggy O’s. The guy in the first story did get a little upset that she went through his private messages, but she claimed that his inbox was wide open and she could tell at a first glance that he was in the wrong. Smart cover up on her part, really.

I’m just wondering though, is it so wrong to want to go through their private information?

I have had the similar conversation with my boyfriend and something about trust was brought up. But is it really the lack of trust, or is it merely a curiosity? Okay, if my friend tried to break in to her man’s account just to catch him, then yes, maybe that’s a problem of trust. But if it was right in your face, is she really in the wrong to want to take a peek?

If my boyfriend went through my facebook, would I get mad? Not really. For one, it’s partially my fault for leaving it unattended, and for two, I have nothing to hide. The worst thing he’s going to find is how much I actually liked that one guy I was seeing before I met him. Embarrassing? Hell yeah, but far from incriminating. I’m sure Pandora didn’t open the box because she didn’t trust God.. She was just curious like any other human would be.

Grab hold with both hands.

11 06 2012

In one of my recent posts, I briefly mentioned how unimpressed I was by the graduation speech at the convocation ceremony I attended at my Alma Mater. No matter where you went to school, the underlying messages are all the same in these speeches, and I was getting frustrated because it sounds a little bit like an empty guarantee of some sort. Seriously, someone needs to tell these grads that just because you did the work and paid your dues for that piece of paper we call credentials does not mean the hard part is over. Yes, you are now more equipped to face the world, but you still have to face the world and you will lose sometimes, it’s inevitable.

Then today, I came across this article about David McCullough, a high school teacher from the United States that did just that – he told the truth and only the truth. This is my favourite part from his speech:

As you commence, then, and before you scatter to the winds, I urge you to do whatever you do for no reason other than you love it and believe in its importance. Don’t bother with work you don’t believe in any more than you would a spouse you’re not crazy about, lest you too find yourself on the wrong side of a Baltimore Orioles comparison. Resist the easy comforts of complacency, the specious glitter of materialism, the narcotic paralysis of self-satisfaction. Be worthy of your advantages. And read… read all the time… Dream big. Work hard. Think for yourself. Love everything you love, everyone you love, with all your might. And do so, please, with a sense of urgency, for every tick of the clock subtracts from fewer and fewer; and as surely as there are commencements there are cessations, and you’ll be in no condition to enjoy the ceremony attendant to that eventuality no matter how delightful the afternoon.

The fulfilling life, the distinctive life, the relevant life, is an achievement, not something that will fall into your lap because you’re a nice person or mommy ordered it from the caterer. Don’t wait for inspiration or passion to find you. Get up, get out, explore, find it yourself, and grab hold with both hands.

Yes, this is a little wordy but these are good words. If you want to read the entire thing, you can find the article (with his entire speech) here.

And to make up for the wordiness of this post, I thought I would further showcase my inner nerd with these *ahem* beautiful dance moves.

Yes, I love Calculus. I may have majored in Math in college if there were more I could do with that degree other than being a teacher. And maybe then, I might have eventually turned in to those teachers that think their students will all change the world and write these unrealistic speeches. I guess I’ll enjoy my math elsewhere..

Sh*t people say on Facebook status.

23 05 2012

The first thing I do when I log on to facebook is check my newsfeed, even before I check my own notifications and private messages. It’s like skimming through your morning newspaper, you know? Checking out what people are up to especially when your friends and families are spread out all over the globe. I’m not going to lie, some of the most interesting links I find are through here, but it’s also true that the most annoying statuses get mixed up in here too…. To name a few,

those annoying passive aggressive messages:

UNBELIEVABLE. All I have given you is love and respect this past year and all I have gotten back was LIES. I know I should’ve seen it coming, I know I shouldn’t have given you my heart.. I hope she was worth it. 

So you’re upset? But you can’t tell it to their faces? So you have to broadcast it on facebook what you would say to the person, because you can only whine about it “secretly”… It’s definitely a cry of help, I just don’t quite understand why it has to be up in public, especially when you could kind of tell who you’re attacking and what they possibly did. Not cool.

Similarly annoying,

those sad/angry statuses that are clearly attention seeking but they refuse to tell anyone what’s wrong even when people ask.

If you don’t want to talk about it, why post it as your status?

those people that are trying too hard to sound pensive, quoting themselves:

This was posted by Cookie Monster **name has been changed:

“Somethings you just need to do once and you will remember (i.e. mistakes).” – Cookie Monster.

Not only did this “Cookie Monster” put a quotation mark on his own quote, he even made sure he signed his own name at the end to make sure everybody knows that this is his quote. What annoys me even more is that sometimes, his quote is just a paraphrase of what other famous person has said few decades ago, but oh no, he still signed his own name at the end. Oh jolly, he even gave us an example so we can better understand what he means!

those that needs to let the whole world know of their daily activities:

Just woke up from a nap. Time for hot shower, lunch, then off to work!

…and exactly what do you plan on achieving by sharing with us the most routine things about life? And word of advice girls, anything that has to do with you undressing, keep it to yourself. One time, I tried to stop a text conversation with a guy telling him imma head to shower, ttul, he responded with “oooh, you just got me excited!”. Um, NOT what I was trying to do dude. So, shower, trying on bikinis, purchasing lingerie, you might want to avoid anyone trying to fantasize you doing it.

Yes, what he said.

I understand that you’re extremely excited about the weather, but what’s next?


Rain, boo :(

New toothbrush <3

Just waxed my butt!

..You get my point..

those statuses with bad grammar and tons of spelling mistakes.

y socialcam gets hit??
i’m so curious
this shows the power of social network thingy
it also means tht ppl dnt want some privacy anymore rite??

I know my own English is not perfect, but at least I’m not trashing the language.  I have some friends who are still trying to master the language, and for some reason they insist on writing their paragraph long statuses in English. Points for trying, because practice makes perfect, but for your own sake, stick to the language that you are comfortable with.

And while we’re at it, if your English is THAT bad, don’t even think about insulting other people’s English. This is the real image that the same friend posted one time, and her caption was “their English is so bad it gives me headache. I want to fix it for them so bad!”.

Yes darlin’, it’s bad, but you’re the one to talk..?

those overly detailed statuses on your illness every fricken hour.

Yes, one time my friend updated us every hour on her pus squirting skin irritation. TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION. All we need to know is that you’re okay.

Feel free to share what gets on your nerve on facebook!

All I need…

8 05 2012

..is for someone to fight for me, for once.

I don’t need to be that princess waiting to be saved, honestly I can fight my own battle, but when all else fails and I am inches away from admitting defeat, I really just wish that someone could take that one little step, and pull me out of this miserable hole. I just need someone to stand strong with me, so I can have my moment to cry, and let out that weakness I have been trying so hard to hide. All I really need is just that one person who is willing to take that extra step for me.

Thank your for your sympathies, and for your support. They really do warm up my heart, but if you can make a difference, make it. Please, just give me a little bit more than sympathy, obviously I’m getting enough of that because an injustice took place and anyone with a heart would sympathize with my situation. I don’t need any more “aww’s”, what I need is for you to push back your chair and say “let’s fix this”.

For those of you out there who’s in the middle of a battle as well, keep you chin up, and get yourself a macaron. The grocery store that I stopped by yesterday was giving away a small macaron the size of a blackberry, lucky me. It was purple, so light and it tasted of vanilla I think, because it wasn’t fruity or nutty (aside from the almond) and it was really really good. Sure, it’s not going to solve your problem, but it sure as hell make this world a little bit more bearable, don’t you think? More than 24 hours later and I’m still dreaming about it, so they sure did something right.

Remember, go get yourself a macaron. They are even better free.

Sh*t you SHOULDN’T say to people when they’re upset.

17 04 2012

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“It’s just not meant to be.”

“Trust God, he has it all planned out for you.”

Or any other cliche stuff, stfu. For one, if I’m upset about something, the last thing I want to hear is that there is nothing I can do about the situation. That is the excuse of the weak, of the lazy, or of the loser, who just admits defeat. You are basically telling me to accept it because this is what the higher power planned for me? Screw that. You are basically telling me to give up! AND FOR TWO, come up with something more original please, is my sorrow not worth you thinking of something heartfelt to say? Oh and three, don’t bring God in to this.

For the record, yes, I do believe that in some cases, accepting it might be the best way to handle it, but that is not always the solution. I want to believe that hard work really can get you somewhere, and that your attitude and action really can make a difference.

“Aw. But at least your problem is not as bad as mine.”

EFF YOU. (I know, I sound really angry in this post huh.. But seriously imagine someone saying this to you?) Don’t EVER say this… SO wrong on SO many levels! Don’t ever think that you’re having it harder than everyone else, you have no idea what is going on in their lives. Believe it or not, one of my closest friends said this to me and it was just heartbreaking. Similarly, “I totally know how you feel. When blah blah blah happened to me…” is also bad. Don’t make this about you.

“You’ll get over it.”

No, you don’t know that, because some things, you really will never get over. Don’t say something you don’t know for sure.

“No one said that life was fair.”

Way to kick a girl when she’s down.

You know what are some of the safer alternatives?

“I am here for you, whatever you need.” 

By focusing on the support you can give them is a good way to remind them that they have you, without being overbearing. And because it’s something you can do for them, as opposed to you trying to make them believe in something, or act in certain ways. “Do you want a hug?” is also good.

“It will get better.” 

And it will, though it’s important they know that by “it”, you mean  “life”, and not necessarily this particular situation.. When things get bad, you always feel that you can’t get back up, but life will not always be bad. The sad news is it will not always be good, but at least you’ll have your happy moments.

Other than that, helping them focus on the positives, or to temporarily get their minds off it is always good.

On a personal note, my camera just broke! Which means no more of my personal photos in cooking/baking/fashion for a while. I’ve been using my phone to capture shots lately but I don’t know how good it will be uploaded here..